As a matter of fact....

"You look like a homeless person..." said my husband as I walked up the escalator with him at the mall... now most people would be upset if their significant other said something like this ... but honestly ... it caught me off gaurd and as I checked myself out in a store front window; I realized that he infact was correct in his assessment. I did look homeless, unshowered and simple put a bum... but most people who know me, know that I am not a big fan of getting dressed or made up to go anywhere. On that day, I was meeting up with my husband at the mall directly from the gym... I had an old t-shirt on and my hair clearly needed some tlc... but I really couldn't care less about how people perceived me at that moment...

In all honesty...I have often felt the judging eyes that gauge me up as I walk into a posh store ... they are trying to figure out if I belong there or maybe thinking that I am there to shoplift? But either way ...that never bothered me... I have often said... I know who I am and what I am comfortable with... I never smell and I almost never leave the house with a perfect 'face' on ... I do get dressed up when I feel the need to or when the occasion calls for...well in all honesty I only get dressed up when I think necessary and not when the occasion dictates it...

All this has gotten me thinking of all the times I have judged a person solely based on their looks... the way they are dressed or genetically predisposed to certain characteristics...If they have too much makeup on ...I automatically decide that they are high maintenance ... or if a skinny woman is working out a lot at the gym...she must have a eating disorder.... It just makes sense... to me ...an automatic reaction... to pass judgement on people who I have no relation to or knowledge about...so are all humans wired to pass judgement? The bible says not to judge others ... one of the most famous quotes is "People living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others"... Yet it is so hard to break this habit...

I think I am going to make a concerted effort to keep an open mind and be accepting of all around me...until I come across some really skinny girl decides to sweat herself to a twig...

Maybe it will make me stronger...

'Strength' can be defined in many ways.... but in the end each person has their own perception of what it means to get strong... Who is stronger - a person who can 'bench' 200 lbs w/o a problem or a child who at the age of four has had two courses of chemotherapy.... while each is a definition of strenght... makes me wonder which one really matters?

To me personally being strong means being able to endure what life has decide to put in my path... I want to be emotionally and mentally strong more than physically.... One can achieve anything in life with a STRONG will.... but often it is hard to distinguish between strength and weakness.... lets say a woman is trapped in abusive relationship for the sake of her children... Is she a strong person for enduring years of abuse in a hope of happier times for her children? or is she so weak that she does not think that she is able to fight past the life she is stuck in... I honestly don't know the answer... to an outsider it is easy to say that she is weak to stay in that relationship but what if it took all her strength to stay there because she knew that it was the best thing for her children...

What about a father who has to choose between the well being of his unborn child and his wife...or a parent who has to choose between the lives of two children.... I think it takes unaccountable amount of strenght to make that decision and then have to live with it forever...or a child who has lost a parent and needs to grow up feeling the void or a parent who has lost a child... how do you measure their strenght? All those situations, I cannot even imagine being faced with... will I have the strenght to make the best decision? I have always considered myself to be a strong woman but just thinking about all the times my strenght could be tested makes me feel weak... I am sure when and if I have to face any such situation... I will find a way to find the strenght that I need... but what if I fail?

It's said that it takes a stronger person to forgive.... So in that instance I am very weak... I don't hold grudges but I choose to forget rather than forgive... but maybe I can start working on that and pray that I may never have to face anything that requires more strength than I can handle...

If you ask me.....

So just having paid our second mortgage payment, I started to think if I would go through a home building process again... the answer is - Not for another 10 years.... Honestly I dont think I have the energy required.....

So back in May 2007, Sibi & I decided to buy our very first home somewhere in the Triangle area in NC.... so as we started searching, we saw older homes, newer homes and older homes that might as well be new homes with all the upgrades that we done.... We liked some but mostly there were one or two things that just wouldnt sit right with us... so we thought that maybe building a brand new house was the way to go... so we look around for the best builders in the area with the floor plans we liked.... and it was not long before we found a builder that had a great floor plan and was considered to be reputable in the area... the winner was Shea Homes at Brightleaf in the Park. We drove around the various neighborhoods they had built, looked at options and asked a LOT of questions... and after signed off on the contract to build our very first home, I thought ' Wow, that was easy. Now all I have to do is wait for the house to be done'. Little did I know what was to come....

Soon we found that it was not going to be a easy process - unless the customer keeps a tab on everything, the builder will find a way to mess things up and obviously not tell you about it.

The 'design rep' we met for consultation was of very little help to us and only gave us information based on specific questions... so if you did not ask the right questions, you were left in the dark. As we proceeded through the building process, we realized one by one all the options that were never presented to us.... After numerous requests to grade the lot lower to have a less steep driveway - today we can barely park our car on it..... I guess its good that we upgraded to the extended garage..... Everyday we would come by the house to find something or other that was not done right or find a shortcut they took that was not really effective... After misrepresentation from their rep on the type of windows we were going to get, we ended up paying for the upgrade and the old windows....and the final kicker is that it took them 6 to 7 tries before correct window was ordered and when it did arrive, it still failed to match what was promised! It baffled us how simple quality control steps were missed by them and how long it took to correct something that was wrong. Every day was a new challange.... something as small as the wrong door hardware being installed to why they had framed three windows in a row at different heights.... it seemed that we would need to overlook everything!

And we did, we were on their case about everything but what really annoyed us was the fact that they had no sense or understanding of communication or customer satisfaction. Their goal was to get in and out and done with the house as soon as possible. We would email them with issues and concerns and would not hear back from them with resolution.... it would be upon us to follow through.... Another thing that really took us back was the discriminatory treatment we got as a young Indian couple going through this process.... multiple times we were questioned to ensure that we would go through with the house and often discouraged from making design changes in order to ensure that Shea would be able to flip the house if our finances fell through... And while we did not make a big deal of this treatment, to be honest maybe we should have.... it seems that Shea believes that their positive treatment towards a certain set of customers is all that they need to sell homes.. Obviously it is not working since they have only sold and completed five homes thus far....

I am to this day wondering, when will the builder realize the importance of 'happy customers'? There is complete disregard not only in the standard of quality delivered in the final product but also in customer satisfaction. Their reps have been deceiving by withholding information, rude in the way they handle customers and finally their project management process has been proven to be completely incompetent with all the mistakes that took place. If someone were to ask me if I was happy with the house we live in, my answer would be yes but I would have to add that we are happy becuase of the time and effort that my husband and I put into ensuring the quality of every little thing and not because Shea did an excellent job building our house. But I can firmly say today that I will not be building another Shea home.

So finally, back to the original question - will I build another home? The answer is YES but it would be by us hiring a contractor and managing the overall process ourselves.

Another day...

As the days drew closer, I started to wonder if this year was going to be any different... I was in fact going past the first quarter of my life and into the second.... but as I sit here today and look back...nothing seems different; the first 26 years of my life seem as if they all happened in one day.... i remember instances from when i was 2 and from when i was 12..... but on most days i cant remember things i did just hours ago...

But the truth is so much has changed, I am no longer a little girl who can hide behind her mom's sari when scared but instead I am woman who is expected to fight my own battles....I am wife who is expected to love and be always by her husband's side... I am daughter who worries about her parents since she can't be with them...I am sister who is no longer just an annoying little brat who follows her older sister around (well maybe) but can also be a pillar of support when needed.... I am an aunt (and godmother) to two wonder kids who bring a smile to my face every time I think about them.... I am a woman who many expect (and hope) to see become a mother soon.... I am a friend who believes that true friendship is stronger than family and I am a human being who knows that God has a plan for everyone....

As this day passes I realize that even though everything seems unchanged, so much has changed.... Along with my age thankfully I have grown.... I am still stubborn, opinionated, loving, annoying etc. but the one thing that really hasn't changed is that God has always blessed me with people in my life love and lead me in a path that was truly meant for me....

Thank you for being in my life and being there when i have needed you the most....

So....where are you from?

Yes, my skin is brown... Yes, I dont have blue eyes or light hair, and YES, I have curves.... so I know I am different that the ideal image of an 'american' ... then why do I get annoyed when people ask me... 'where are you from?' hmmm what do you mean where am i from? I am sitting here in front of you ....sitting with you ... in this place, city, state, country... hmmm ... i dont have an accent... neither does my husband.... we have US passports.... so u still want to know where we are from?

just a short story - as we were crossing the Canada - U.S. border ....the well paid officer for the country asked me... to see our passports and I handed him two US passports and then he asked me... .after looking at the passports, 'country of citizenship ?'...hmmmmm should I tell him what i am thinking? - 'you freaking dumbass, you have two US passports...what the freak do you think is our country of citizenship?'... but I bit my tounge - probl for the better and said... 'United States' and I thought that was it...But he continued to ask - 'Both of you?' .... wow what should i say? he is getting paid from my tax dollars...they really do pick them right huh? Would he have asked the same question to two individuals who are white with blue eyes and blonde hair? Probl not...not knowing that most blue eyed-blondes are russian or french... but that wouldnt be a concern for him...since it fits his mold for 'american'....

And then again on our first anniversary trip at the B&B, at the breakfast table...another lodger asked us - so where are you guys from? polite enough...right? and we respond nicely enough - 'Philadelphia' ....and she responds 'Oh, I would have thought India'... what the heck?

So I have an advice for folks who would like to know our nationality.... ask something like - 'What country is your lineage from?' or 'What is your ethnicity?' or something like 'What is your ancestory?' but u get the idea.... just frustrating...honestly! or even better keep asking everyone you meet, regardless of color where they are from and wait for them to explain how their great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents came to the country on a boat and landed on Ellis Island...and then I will be happy!

What time is it???

So most people work a 9-5 job.... or some variation of that.... get up, leave for work between 7:30 - 8:30, leave and come home by 5:00 - 5:30 on average... atleast that is what I have been used to... so anything that we need to do needs to be done after those hours or on weekends ...unless we are all rich celebrities who could afford to have whatever I need to be hand delivered to me....while i got a massage in my personal mansion... ooh...only if... time to get out of la-la land....

So imagine my suprise when we started to build a house and needed to make an appt for the design center and found out that they are only open M-F from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm... hmm so how do we do this? how do I get my options chosen for my house? do I end up with crap that I dont want in the house? how do I???? Do they want working adults to buy thier houses or bums who sit at home all day? How do they think we are going to pay for all the options they want us to pick...if we cant go to work? I mean loosing 8 hours of pay, just to pick options that is going to cost us more money doesn't seem fair...does it? So after some probing we found out that they maybe be able to make exception and see us for a 8 hr appt on satruday... but wait... i dont want to sign up for another day of work on saturday.... urgh...guess we dont have any options...

Then came the need to see a doctor...for my dear hubby's knee... his dear knee that was injured in our rafting trip... we needed a doc who was open past 5 pm...someone who would look at a hurt person after business hours... just a doctor who is able to sacrifice one evening a week to see his 'working' patients after leaving work - the same work that pays for the insurance that pays for the doctor... hmmm....maybe i am asking for too much! After calling about 15 docs...i found a doc that is open on thursdays till 7 pm.... and i thought that my search was over... i was on the 9th cloud.... with joy... I told the nurse...that I need to make an appt for my husband who hurt his knee ..... and then my dreams were shattered... when the voice on the other side of the phone said... ' sorry maam, but this is a womens' only facility'....urgh... there i was ...hugging my phone in despair...what ...wha...do I do now???? So after calling about 30 more docs offices in the raleigh area...i decided to give up.... I guess we all will need to quit our jobs so that we can get any sort of service... work around their schedules, and then not be able to pay any bills... or even them!

I guess... until a brighter day when there are actual docs who can find it in their hearts to see a patient one day a week in the evening... we will all suffer...the awkward request to have a couple hours off... or suffer ino ur pain....

Yay we made it!

Take one day at a time - something we are told often

Carpe Diem - Seize the day

We have heard this a million times, from different people in our lives. But what does it mean to each of us... Ask anyone who knows me and they will attest to the fact that my mind goes a 100 miles a minute and I try to plan as far ahead as possible. I will draw out any and all possible scenarios... try and be prepared so that nothing can surprise me. I make sure that I am in total control of the situation before it even comes along. But things don't always work out the way we want them to...

So it definitely came as a surprise to me when someone was able to come into my life and have me head over heels in such a short period of time. And before I knew it, a whirlwind took over our lives and we were getting married. And then the engagement and wedding planning took over. We lost sight of all the good things in our relationship, why we were together. Fights became more consistent, tempers kept flaring, frustration took over... and before we knew it, we were married. Of course, things became a lot more calm afterwards. We were not burdened with as many responsibilities for the two weeks after the wedding. We enjoyed our time together, regained our focus and felt that we were ready to face what life had in store for us when we got back.... and when we landed back in the US - reality began!

We soon found out that dating and being married is two completely different worlds. We would have clash on every little thing, every minor detail would get on our nerves... But at the bottom of all of this, we knew that there is no one else either of us would rather be with. He is a very insightful, emotional and creative person, I on the other hand can be very dry, straight forward and completely lack creativity. So after 3 months of adjustment period, I think we were getting a hang of it. We learned to fill in what the other lacked and support what the other excelled in.

A year later, we are definitely getting a hang of this married thing... I think we are comfortable. Doesn't mean that we still don't have our little tiffs... we still do that on a very consistent basis. But I think we are getting a lot better an being able to understand and solve them. We both realized that we need each other to make this the best it can be. That we have made a commitment to support each other in good and the bad, in sickness and in health and in happiness and in sorrow. Faith in God and each other really helped us get through this first phase of our lives together. I don't know if we will every be able completely free of arguments and honestly I don't know if I want to.

All I can say is that I am thankful for everything that we have been through. We both always say, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Our first year has been eventful to say the least, but I think as we go on this roller coaster called life, we are both trying to live for the moment and enjoy each day!

I am sure there are a lot of new challenges ahead of us - as we become first time home owners or as we become parents (for those who are wondering - no we are not planning to get pregnant this year). I am sure there are a lot of new surprises waiting for us... and I am working on planning for all of them. I am going to try and be prepared for everything ahead but I hope there are plenty of things that are waiting to sweep me off my feet again...

Something to think about... as we live our lives

"Dance like no one is watching

Sing like no one is listening

Love like you have never been hurt before

Live like heaven begins tomorrow."